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"The tampons dried nicely."
Anonymous
ebaker:

way to be a dick, mom. (Taken with instagram)

That’s my mommy, guys.
Ate my brother’s awesome ribs at Roc City Rib Fest today. Sunburnt. Should be in bed. NYC tomorrow!
Not coming to a theatre near you.
Can you tell I care about my final presentation?
because I’m awesome
This will be wrapped around me in my coffin.
This. I can’t even. Love.
So, this is one of Ashley’s birthday presents for me. I made a 13 minute video but the audio didn’t come out (thanks Photobooth).
I just wanted to say I have the best girlfriend in the world. Though I don’t have many friends, none of them would have made something like this for me (unless if my life was a movie and I found out I had cancer).
Not going to lie, I cried. I was stunned. Still teary and I can’t go to sleep now because of how happy I am.
I really mean it when I say that she’s very special to me and I love her very much. I’m going to be that person and be annoying about how much you (truthfully) mean to me. Shit, the vapors again.
So, thank you Ass. I love you so much and this means so much to me. On a level of thankfulness and love I’ve never felt before. Thank you. You are my one and only specific pigeon.
look what coolcolors made me

Mom Texts

Mom:Did you find the coupon?
Me:No. I can't find the postcard either.
Mom:Did you look next to the refrigerator?
Me:It's not there. Did you throw it away?
Mom:NO
Me:Get back to work. We're having a serious talk when you get home mister.
Mom:BITCH